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Write about now
2004-11-13 at 9:26 p.m.
La la la!
I just got back from a school play! It was fun. No, really, it was! Heh. It was a comedy/life lesson. Three acts long, all of two hours. It was entertaining though. Had some familiar faces for me.
All about how we should all relax and enjoy life rather than striving for a bunch of things that we can't take with us when we leave anyway.
So, yeah. It was fun.
This week has gone alright, considering the amount of stress I put behind it. I've realized that I have to worry about things. I just have to. If I don't, then I get cocky. And I don't want to be arrogant. I've never been driven by arrogance. I've been pushed forward in life by a desire to be the best I can, to learn as much as possible, and to help others as I go.
It's a good dream, I think. But I have to freak myself out about everything before I can get anything done.
It's weird, and it's most likely unhealthy, but it's my method.
Yesterday was mom's birthday, so happy birthday to her! The grandparents I like came over to celebrate her and Grandpa's birthdays, and we went to a craft fair at my school.
That was pretty cool. Lots of fun stuff to see, and I saw some friends.
I've come to another realization. I want to get out of adolescence. I want to be considered an adult. I can't wait to get into the working world, and I know that once I'm in it, I'll hate it.
I also know that no amount of adults telling me to "savor these years" and that high school is "the best years of your life" will convince me to do or believe either of those things.
I have one true friend that I feel comfortable with, and that I actually feel I could hang out with after school.
I have many that are fun to talk and joke around with, but if I were to take them outside of the school environment, I would be lost.
I have K. K is the only girl/person in that school that I would go spend the night with, go eat dinner with.. just hang out with.
It's not really depressing. It's just me. I mean, in a sense it is a little depressing, but it's to be expected.
I have friends. I know I do. The majority of my friends are adults, college students (that glorious period between teenage-dom and adulthood), or people from the 'net.
It doesn't bother me. It does make me a bit lonely at school, but it doesn't convince me that I don't have friends.
I am looking forward to growing up, though. I'm too mature for my age. I came from private school, which puts me at a disadvantage when mixed with kids who, for the most part, have known each other since elementary or middle school.
I don't know everything I need to about growing up.
But, God... I want to. I want to be learning it, not wasting my time trying to fit in with kids who don't want me.
They tell me I'm funny, I'm "crazy" and that I'm fun to be around... but when it comes down to it, I'm the smart one, the outsider.
And I am sick and tired of being at a table full of people I consider my friends, and being completely overridden when I try to speak up.
I don't have the personality it takes to be the center of attention, and I don't want to be. I would like to have some, though.
That's it. I'm going to go write now.
And right now.
<-Ghost->
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