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Phones...oh god, the phones
2003-07-07 at 9:31 p.m.
God I hate the telephone. I mean, I really hate the telephone.
I hate the phone companies, I hate talking on the phone, and I more than hate telemarketers. I'd revile them if I could.
I haven't always been like this. I used to LOVE the phone. I'd talk on it non-stop. Talk talk talk, talk talk talk, such was life. But that was back when I had a friend who would talk WITH me. And Blake and I are *pfft* now. But no matter.
If anyone else called me, or if I had to call anyone else, I'd freeze. I'd just lock up, and barely be able to form a coherent thought, much less speak it. I had to script out exactly what I was going to say, and run it over in my head before I could call someone. I was THAT bad.
Now I can talk to anyone pretty much. Some people I still get monosyllabic to, but everyone has those people. And I'm *this* close to actually trying some of that fun stuff on telemarketers now.
If they would just ONCE be real!!
That's what's makin' me mad nowadays. None of the "people" who "call" our "house" (no wait, the house is real), are real anymore! They're all, "Hello. This is Bettie Louise Plotnik. I'm calling on behalf of We're Big Idiots Inc. How are you today? *convincing pause* Glad to hear it. I... I'm calling to ask if you'd be in...interested in purchasing our new product. If you'd like to speak to a real live person who will never be as smart as this computer, press 1. If you'd like to hang up, please press 2. Just kidding. Pressing 2 will lead you to our Special Services. Press 3 if you'd like to cuss out an agent. Pressing 3 will immediately leave you forever on our line, and we will have instant access to your credit cards, PINs, and social security numbers. We suggest you press 3. Press it. Now."
Or something. I don't know. I just get up to the convincing pause before I hang up on them now. If they don't ask if my mom or dad is home, and they don't ever try to pronounce our last name, then they aren't real. I don't know why, but nobody can say our last name right. They just can't. At least not telemarketers.
You wouldn't believe how many times my mom gets called Christi Brinkley. Who she isn't.
Anyway, back to the original point: I can't stand phones. Whenever they ring, I get this sense of aggrivation and annoyance. And it kind of makes me shiver. Like nails scraping down a blackboard. I really get that reaction. I never want to pick it up. I just want to hang up on whoever it is. I don't care if I know them.
It's close to the reaction I get when Stephanie starts talking. But only this time, I CAN control if I hear the person on the other end or not. I can't hang up on Stephanie.
But seriously, if my parents come home one day to find all the phones ripped out of the walls and me grinning crazily...you will all know what happened.
That knife may come in handy after all.
<-Ghost->
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