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bite back // scratch away

The great beyond is about 4 hours away
2005-03-14 at 8:54 a.m.

So.

Grandmama.

Yeah.

You would think that I'd feel...worse than I do. I mean... it makes me feel like a horrible person that I'm not sobbing my guts out right about now, but... I honestly feel...

Okay, I'm not happy. Not at all. But I'm not... I just didn't wish this life on her for much longer, you know? There are things... life was SO hard for her, and she was fading...

It wasn't the easiest way to go, because it took forever and it bore down on so many people I love's shoulders, but it wasn't the worst. She died in her sleep, started declining about yesterday morning, and just...

About 6 this morning she finally went home.

So... yeah.

I'm crying. Sort of. It's just so... I've been expecting it for a long time... I'm sad that I didn't get to see her right before this, but... she barely knew we were there when we did see her, so... I don't think it would have made that much of a difference...

I just wish we could have.

We'll probably make the long trip down to Kilgore for her funeral, because that was where she always lived... out in the country where life was hard but she was tough.

It's so beautiful down there... honestly, the woods and the roads and even the oil pumps are... it's a breath away from the "real world" and it feels nice. I'd like to return...even if it is just one more time.


And what made me cry this morning, or what finally triggered it (which isn't normally that hard, but for big things it's hard to get me to crack) was a certain somebody from Michigan who decided that he missed me and would like to return to D-Landing it again.

It wasn't a bad cry. God, life passes, new life is created. Or re-instated, as the case may be.

I thought he'd gone off the college and left me for good, which was fine as long as he was cool and happy and stuff.

I'm such a doormat.

Oh well. Email me, dorkface! You know where.

<-Ghost->


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bite back // scratch away

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