:NAVIGATION:
Patrolling
Dusted
:BONUS:
The Me-File
Claddaghs
Facts
Quizzy
Photo Albums
:CONTACT:
Beep Me
Pass It On
GhostBook
:FIREFLY:
Another Serenity Review
Test Screening-Early Reviews
FoxForums
FireFlyFans.net
Serenity: The Official Movie Website
:THANKS:
Couture
Lorne
IdiotReviews
Confidence
2003-05-02 at 4:53 p.m.
Have you ever wondered what can compell you to do something you normally wouldn't do? Not that it was a bad thing to do, heck, it could've even been fun, but... for some reason, some things just happen that don't seem to quite fit with your normal state of mind.
I don't quite understand how I can be so quiet, so reserved a lot, and then suddenly... not. I talk to someone I would never dream of talking to. I play in front of people, alone, with little fear to behold. I pray for others, I take a stand against those that I used to fear...
And it just seems...off.
I don't think I quite understand what's normal for me anymore. Because I suddenly find myself NOT wanting to be reserved and quiet.
I want to get out there, experience things, and... be somebody. But I want that somebody to me. I like who I am. I'm a dork, yes. A derd, if you will. But I'm funny. I'm not pretty, but I'm real. I'm intelligent, and there's no way on God's green earth you can tell me that's not true.
Unless you've actually met me, and then that just goes right down the plumbing.
But...I don't quite know what I consider for myself to be normal anymore. I IMed a person that I thought I wouldn't be able to see in person without losing all capacity to thought processing.
No, not Scott.
And I've taken risks in front of others, and I love playing in front of people now. How weird is that?
I mean... is this confidence? Can I BE confident? I think I've actually discovered a trust in myself...that I've never had before.
And it's nice. It's awkward, but...I'm loving it.
I no longer have to worry about coming on too strong or too weak with my friends, and I don't have to worry about them thinking I suck at guitar, and I don't feel the need to worry in front of those who are much higher above me.
In fact, I relate. I find that by considering myself equal to others, and not lesser than them or higher than them, I can establish more meaningful relationships.
And it works.
I have friends that are much older than me. I give advice to adults, or at least I'm included on major plans and ideas, even when I won't be around for the year they'll be implemented.
And it makes me feel much better about myself.
I'm finding that feeling better about myself and showing it, only makes me feel more...better. Argh, well, anyway... I'm on a happy streak right now.
So don't ruin it by not giving me a note or a sign.
And give somebody hug for me again today.
Love you guys.
<-Ghost->
I don't have a quote today. I have a character.
Tara.
:SOUNDTRACK:
Nerf Herder
Scissor Sisters
John Mayer
Radiohead
Mars Volta
:I
READ:
linzmat
alesay
edrodonwaldo
musicman6724
miss-edith
weetabix
invernal
jestersblood
quillz
imaginated
spacemuppet
downforever
lv2write00
golfwidow
splorch
spritopias
demons-r-us
chadin
what---if
ghanima
taydo
cornflake1
damnedguitar
oddgoogle
augustdreams
brucedowns
jesbohn
switchcraft
gettingnaked
fan4
orange2o
amomsmusings
lifeasme66
beckers-j
megmarch
buffylass