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I'm a Calvinist alright... Quotations from the wisest of all the wise men...Calvin. No, silly, not the theologian. The kid. The six/seven year old kid. With the tiger. He is one of the wisest little kids I've ever read about...and so I must quote his good points. Mostly because a lot of them mirror me. -"Mom and Dad say I shoudl make my life an example of the principles I believe in. But every time I do, they tell me to stop it." -"The only skills I have the patience to learn are those that have no real application in life." -"You know why birds don't write their memoirs? Because birds don't lead epic lives, that's why! Who'd want to read what a bird does? Nobody, that's who!" -"The more you think about things, the weirder they become. Take this milk. Why do we drink cow milk? Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said, 'I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze 'em?'" -"I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny the first time, it's funny every time." -"You know what the problem is with the universe? There's no toll-free Customer Service hotline for complains. That's why things don't get fixed! If the universe had a decent management, we'd get a full refund if we weren't completely satisfied." -"I've decided to stop caring about things. If you care, you just get disappointed all the time. If you dont care, nothing matters, so you're never upset. From now on, my ralling cry is, "SO WHAT??" -"Nothing I do is my fault. My family is dysfunctional and my parents won't empower me! Consequentaly, I'm not self-actualized! My behavior is addictive functioning in a disease process of toxic codependency! I need holistic healing and wellness before I'll accept any responsibility for my actions! I love the culture of victimhood." and of course: -"For the next 60 seconds, I will conduct a test of my emergency broadcast equipment. AAAAHHHHH!!! Had this been a real emergency, the scream you just heard would be followed by lots more just like it. This concludes My test of my emergency broadcast equipment. " Enjoy! |
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