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This was going to be long, but it was called on account of sleep.
2005-04-06 at 10:25 p.m.
I've had a strange attitude at school lately. It's not been a bad one, just... interesting.
It's as though, coming back from this convention, I've realized that there are people like me out there in this world. There are people who think like me (unfortunately, I guess you could say, heh), people who like what I like, and people who are proud of it.
So why should I be concerned what other people think of me? I know it sounds easy to say online in this little white box that doesn't judge or care what I put into it, but it's been my attitude lately, too.
I feel more confident. I'm an outcast on the fringes of many social groups. I have casual friends that I hang around and who go on about their lives without me in them. But that's okay. I love them, and I'd help them out if they needed me, because that's who I am.
If I wear a Buffy shirt and somebody critiques the show, what does that have to do with me? Nothing. If I get made fun of for reading a lot of books, what does it matter? Not a bit. If I'm the smart one in class, bully for me. I won't take flak for getting good grades.
I've been reading Odd Girl Out by Rachel Simmons, and... I'm learning a lot about how relationships work in the girl world. I've known it for a long time, but it's interesting to see it from both the perspective of the girl bullies and the ones who have been hurt by them.
I managed to avoid a lot of those traps that girls lay out for each other. I avoided being in cliques like the plague, sticking to close, personal friendships as far back as I can remember.
I rarely spoke of boys with other girls, excepting the ones I truly trusted with my feelings. If the "populars" asked me who I liked, I was immediately suspicious. Not because I had ever been hurt in that way by them, but because I knew there was a possibility that I could be. I just knew.
I used to want to be popular, but I saw the price it took and I ran away from it, never looking back. I wouldn't give anything to be them.
And I'm not friends with guys because of the safety aspect. Many girls turn to guys because they are safer. They don't gossip (normally), they don't really care about what you wear, or what's new in the romance scene...
Except, my guys do. My guys are kinda girly, but that's a whole different story.
Anyway. I don't know what point I was driving at. Just that I carry myself differently these days. I don't know why, really.
It's just happening.
I need to go to bed. g'night all.
<-Ghost->
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