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Thanksgiving
2005-11-24 at 10:20 a.m.
It's Thanksgiving.
It's been 3 months since I last updated.
I have a lot to thank the Lord for, and so little time and space to do it in.
First, I owe you all an apology.
I fell out of the journaling for some reason. I don't really know why, or what happened to make me quit altogether. I was here, and then I missed a few days, I couldn't catch up with what I had missed, and... it just kept growing as I quit trying.
I've missed important things in people's lives. And I'm sorry. I was supposed to be here for that, and I wasn't. This is my fault.
I'm going to try and read and be around. I make no promises, but know that even if you haven't heard from me in a while, all the people I used to keep in touch with, I still love you just as much as before.
Now then.
A brief catching up:
I broke things off with The Canadian. Things seemed happy-go-lucky at the start, but dating a manic-depressive who refuses to take his medication and balance his chemical IMbalance out is not healthy. He grew quiet, cold, and he never really needed me to start with. Wanted, maybe. Loved, perhaps. But I wasn't needed. And it hurt. I was hurting MYSELF over it (not physically, don't worry), and it wasn't... yeah. I quit.
And I picked The Oregonian up like a good habit. I sound kinda whore-y, maybe, but this is healthier for me. We've been together 2 months now, and he's... it's different, but it's good.
He's flying down to visit for Christmas. He's 20, and from Oregon, and going to a nice little Bible College and has plans to go to a real school after that. He would get along great with my dad, he's trustworthy and he's a good, good guy.
Is he different from the Canadian? God, yes. But is that a bad thing? Let's see, no.
I won't go and erase the entries from the time with the Canadian. 'cause they were a part of me. They still are.
He's treated me like doodoo ever since, and I don't really care. I expected it. Goes to show you how long-lasting our "love" really was, anyway.
So, the Thanksgiving part. I've had one heck of a good year. Here's my list of thankfulness:
My Parents: Always there for me, in ways nobody else can ever be. They trust me to make my own decisions and mistakes, and they glare at me when I mess up, but they don't hold my head under the water for it. They expect better, and I expect better of myself, too. Of course, the spontaneous crying over me leaving soon has to quit, but I don't think it will.
My Friends(Online): I've encountered a whole new group of people in my online gaming worlds, and I've come to cherish each and every one of them like nobody's business. Each one is different, a light in my life. They listen to me when I'm down, joke with me about the randomest of things, and critique my writing when I'm scared to let anyone else see it. I owe so much to them. I've become confident, and a stronger person than I've ever been. It's a long process, but they've helped.
My Friends (Real World): I've had an insane year. Been actually going to lunch, been spending time with a group of friends in the real world who actually care about me. I guess you don't really understand what a big deal that is for me. But that's okay. It's caused me some pain, to care so much for people who are going through so much, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.
And! I've found a Dungeons & Dragons group. That's right. Your Queen Nerd just became Nerdier. And I can't express how much FUN it is to spend time with these guys. I am the only girl in the group, and it amuses me to no end. Much <3 for them.
There's So Much More: But I don't have time to list it.
I love you guys. Please take care this holiday. Have good food, and awkward family situations, and if you don't partake in the annual commemoration of the subjugation and slaughter of our indigenous peoples, just have a good Thursday for me, okay?
<3,
Rachel
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