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Bring Me To Life
2003-02-13 at 9:03 p.m.
As I sit in front of this computer, I reflect on life, and what it means to me. Things should be great, right? Things should be wonderful...
The computer stares back, empty, lifeless. Kinda like I feel. It's not that nothing is good for me, 'cause a lot of things are, but...I feel dead and cold inside.
Yeah, those of you who know me from the internet are smirkily thinking, "She's just trying to be cute with the vampire talk," but I'm seriously not.
I miss me. I miss the way I acted, I miss the way I talked, joked, could have fun, didn't worry about being hated and disliked...
Then I remember...that was never me. I've always been self-conscious. But I used to be warm and bubbly, and...lively...and most of all, happy.
Now I've gone flat. All my flavor is gone, and I'm pretty sure I'd taste like ashes and chalk at the moment.
What happened? Why don't I bubble like bubbly soda anymore? Why am I not effervescent? That's for you, Lindsey.
I hate the times around Valentine's Day. It makes me feel more alone than I've ever felt. But the truth is... I've been feeling alone for months now.
Even though I grin, and laugh, and can get along with everyone when I want to, I go in my room, and shut the door, and I'm suddenly crying for no reason.
That happened today...and I've felt close to it before, but I've never just broke down like that. I feel like I'm falling apart, and this stupid lifeless machine isn't doing anything to make me feel more alive.
I'll go, I'll deal, and I'll make it through another day. But...will I ever be happy again? Will I ever find someone to make me not alone? CAN I be happy? And when will I--
Oh. Lookit that. The CD's done burning. I guess that means I can go now. I like the other lifeless machine much better. It moves when you touch it, at least.
~Ghostie~
P.S. Valentine's Day makes me mopy and whiny, I'm really sorry, I just needed to vent. Not that anyone reads this.
Songs~ Bring Me To Life~ Evanescence
:SOUNDTRACK:
Nerf Herder
Scissor Sisters
John Mayer
Radiohead
Mars Volta
:I
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