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IdiotReviews
Spam spam spam
2003-06-23 at 9:03 p.m.
God I hate spam. I'm sick and tired of getting these stupid emails. I really, REALLY am.
But hey, this one gave me a fun opportunity. It's this new fad that's going around, somebody from some foreign country that's looking to give me Twenty-Six Million United States Dollars.
Yes, that is how they put it. Here's the letter:
No 8 Garden Avenue
Johannesburg,
South Africa.
{URGENT AND CONFIDENTIAL}
(RE: TRANSFER OF ($ 126,000.000.00 USD}
{ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY SIX MILLION DOLLARS)
Dear sir,
We want to transfer to overseas ($ 126,000.000.00 USD)One hundred and Twenty six million United States Dollars) from a Bank in Africa, I want to ask you to quietly look for a reliable and honest person who will be capable and fit to provide either an existing bank account or to set up a new Bank a/c immediately to receive this money,even an empty a/c can serve to receive this money, as long as you will remain honest to me till the end for this important business trusting in you and believing in God that you will never let me down either now or in future.
I am Francis mbetu the Auditor General of a bank in Africa, during the course of our auditing I discovered a floating fund in an account opened in the bank in 1990 and since 1993 nobody has operated on this account again, after going through some old files in the records I discovered that the owner of the account died without a [heir] hence the money is floating and if I do not remit this money out urgently it will be forfeited for nothing. the owner of this account is Mr. Phillip Morris, a foreigner, and a sailor, and he died, since 1993. and no other person knows about this account or any thing concerning it, the account has no other beneficiary and my investigation proved to me as well that Phillip Morris until his death was the manager Morris & Morris Coy.(pty). SA.
We will start the first transfer with Twenty six million [$26,000.000] upon successful transaction without any disappoint from your side, we shall re-apply for the payment of the remaining rest amount to your account, The amount involved is (USD 126M) One hundred and Twenty Six million United States Dollars, only I want to first transfer 26,000.000 [Twenty Six million United States Dollar from this money into a safe foreigners account abroad before the rest, but I don't know any foreigner, I am only contacting you as a foreigner because this money can not be approved to a local person here, without valid International foreign passport, but can only be approved to any foreigner with valid international passport or drivers license and foreign a/c because the money is in us dollars and the former owner of the a/c Mr. Phillip Morris is a foreigner too, [and the money can only be approved into a foreign a/c.
However, we will sign a binding agreement, to bind us together I got your contact address from the Girl who operates computer, I am revealing this to you with believe in God that you will never let me down in this business, you are the first and the only person that I am contacting for this business, so please reply urgently so that I will inform you the next step to take urgently. Send also your private telephone and fax number including the full details of the account to be used for the deposit.
I want us to meet face to face to build confidence and to sign a binding agreement that will bind us together before transferring the money to any account of your choice where the fund will be safe. Before we fly to your country for withdrawal, sharing and investments.
I need your full co-operation to make this work fine because the management is ready to approve this payment to any foreigner who has correct information of this account, which I will give to you, upon your positive response and once I am convinced that you are capable and will meet up with instruction of a key bank official who is deeply involved with me in this business.
I need your strong assurance that you will never,never let me down. With my influence and the position of the bank official we can transfer this money to any foreigner's reliable account which you can provide with assurance that this money will be intact pending our physical arrival in your country for sharing. The bank official will destroy all documents of ransaction immediately we receive this money leaving no trace to any place and to build confidence you can come immediately to discuss with me face to face after which I will make this remittance in your presence and three of us will fly to your country at least two days ahead of the money going into the account.
I will apply for annual leave to get visa immediately I hear from you that you are ready to act and receive this fund in your account. I will use my position and influence to obtain all legal approvals for onward transfer of this money to your account with appropriate clearance from the relevant ministries and foreign exchange departments.
At the conclusion of this business, you will be given 35% of the total amount, 60% will be for me, while 5% will be for expenses both parties might have incurred during the process of transferring.
I look forward to your earliest reply through my email address
Sincerely,
Francis.
And here's MY response to it... :
Well, personally, I would love this cash as much as the next person. If you indeed have it, let me know. But meanwhile, if you're going to send this letter out to a lot of people, you really should review the following pieces of it:
Paragraph One:
-"from a Bank in Africa" (If you want it to be believeable, you really should find a real bank name, or just don't capitalize random words, such as bank)
-"or to set up a new Bank a/c immediately " (again with the random capitalization. Bank is not normally capitalized, and plus, any true businessman would write the word "account". A/c looks like air conditioning, and it also appears highly unprofessional.)
-"as long as you will remain honest to me till the end" (What is this, a proposal? And anyway, I also believe that a professional would really write the word "until")
Paragraph Two:
-"I am Francis mbetu the Auditor General of a bank in Africa" (One: Your name should be capitalized completely. You didn't capitalize bank in this sentence, and I'm proud, but come on. You can capitalize your own name. Also, if you have such a high place in a bank, why can you not tell me which one you work for?)
-The entire first sentence is actually three sentences that you have run-on. Please fix this.
-"since 1993. and no other person" (Hello? The first letter of any sentence really is supposed to be capitalized. Have you even taken English?)
-"Phillip Morris until his death was the manager Morris & Morris Coy.(pty). SA." (I believe you left out the "of")
Paragraph Three:
-"We will start the first transfer with Twenty six million" (Twenty isn't normally capitalized... you have issues with that)
-"we shall re-apply for the payment of the remaining rest amount" (The remaining rest amount? What the heck does that mean?)
-"can not be approved to a local person here, without valid International foreign passport" (Without A valid international passport. My god, do you even proofread this?)
-"[and the money can only be approved into a foreign a/c." (Again with the a/c thing, and also... when you use brackets...try and close them)
Paragraph Four:
-"I got your contact address from the Girl who operates computer" (And do you also plan to go Tokyo destroying with the girl who operates computer? All your base are belong to us!)
-"I am revealing this to you with believe in God that you will never let me down" (It's belief...and what does God have to do with this anyway?)
-"so please reply urgently so that I will inform you the next step to take urgently." (It's quickly, not urgently. Urgently would mean I suddenly feel stress and anxiety, and the NEED to contact you. Which I don't.)
-"I need your full co-operation to make this work fine" (Eh? Does that mean I go halfsies while I get my appendix taken out? It's cooperation, you dolt.)
Paragraph Five:
-"The bank official will destroy all documents of ransaction immediately we receive this money" (Okay... two things. One: documents of ransaction? You're going to ransack the place?? Geez! Two: immediately AFTER we receive this money... )
Paragraph Six:
-"I will apply for annual leave to get visa immediately I hear from you" (To get A visa and immediately AFTER I hear from you. Did you fall asleep halfways through this?)
Get better people, mister. You need someone who speaks English.
End letter and response. I hate idiots. GRRR.
<-Ghost->
Songs: Stupid Girl-Cold, Spam-Monty Python
Quote:
Buffy: This is stupid!
Xander: So finally, you come right out and say it!
Buffy: I didn't say you were stupid! Now...stop being an idiot and help me figure this out!
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