:NAVIGATION:
Patrolling
Dusted
:BONUS:
The Me-File
Claddaghs
Facts
Quizzy
Photo Albums
:CONTACT:
Beep Me
Pass It On
GhostBook
:FIREFLY:
Another Serenity Review
Test Screening-Early Reviews
FoxForums
FireFlyFans.net
Serenity: The Official Movie Website
:THANKS:
Couture
Lorne
IdiotReviews
Uber-nerd
2003-08-28 at 9:25 p.m.
Um. My left ear just went momentarily deaf. That always feels very, very odd. And it kinda hurts sometimes.
Anyway, I feel better. Sorta. My stomach's shifty and stuff still, but I feel more rested.
I had felt so much stress coming from school this past week. Stress that I didn't need to be feeling. I get so stressed, so easily. It's insane. Every kid I know is so laid-back about school, but I freak. Out.
I don't want to be all freaky-deaky about school, it just happens. Like, "Oh god, this is due, and this is due, and I haven't even STARTED on that!" Then I just look around at everybody else, and blink in amazement as they all just calmly pull it out, finished, and turn it in, as if they had had 20 hours at home last night to finish it. No big. And they all got their good night's sleep.
I don't get it. At all.
I think a lot of kids feel like me, I think that everybody knows what I'm talking about, but this isn't just a sometimes for me. It happens all the time.
I am, by definition, a high-strung person. I can be laid back about a lot of stuff, but when it comes to school work, deadlines, assignments, I freak.
Especially, especially, when I don't have clear, direct, er, directions. COUjournalismGH. This is driving me insane. I need clear-cut orders to get work done properly. When I think for myself, I don't trust anything I do.
People find my "creativity" and "originality" refreshing, but I find it terrifying. When I have to do it by myself, I just freeze. Anything I come up with is suddenly stupid, idiotic, too mundane... it's horrible.
I like clear-cut, by-the-book, directions. That seems like a waste of the brilliance I have, right? That's what everyone says. But I can't function without it. Vague directions are my kryptonite. But not the green kind. The kind that sucks away my power.
This is why I fear growing up. I can't make my own decisions that well. I mean, I can, and I strive to be independent and all that jazz, but... I'm terrified of some things lying on my shoulders.
I don't want to lead. I don't want to MAKE the directions for anyone else. I thought I did, but crap, now I'm stuck in this position, and I'm floundering. Watch me flound, everybody.
But I'll try. I'm bleedin' stubborn in that way. Maybe I'll get good at this crap by the end.
Here's hopin, right?
<-Ghost->
Song: Stacy's Mom-Fountains of Wayne
Quote: "Well I could, but I'm paralyzed with not caring very much"-Spike.
I wish I was as cool as him... but I'm like...Tara and Willow and Jonathan and Andrew all combined. That's a super-nerd for ya.
:SOUNDTRACK:
Nerf Herder
Scissor Sisters
John Mayer
Radiohead
Mars Volta
:I
READ:
linzmat
alesay
edrodonwaldo
musicman6724
miss-edith
weetabix
invernal
jestersblood
quillz
imaginated
spacemuppet
downforever
lv2write00
golfwidow
splorch
spritopias
demons-r-us
chadin
what---if
ghanima
taydo
cornflake1
damnedguitar
oddgoogle
augustdreams
brucedowns
jesbohn
switchcraft
gettingnaked
fan4
orange2o
amomsmusings
lifeasme66
beckers-j
megmarch
buffylass