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Missing her. I just saw Monster. It was very depressing and... I think there's many opinions on that movie, and I guess it just depends on how you feel about where the blame belongs. But whatever. The movie just added an extra "bright" spot to today. Woopee. I'm in a cycle of guilt right now. Guilt and bleh-ness. It's like... I feel awful to start with. I miss her, and I'm upset about what happened. It still seems hard to realize sometimes. Maybe it's because I didn't stay and watch. And I kind of feel guilty about that too, which doesn't help. But then I get kind of angry at myself for being so torn up (keep in mind I am very PMSy too, so it's not helping). I try to convince myself it's "just a cat" and that I'll live. Then I feel guilty for saying that, because I loved her. It's like, dishonoring her or something? I don't know. It's just... god, this couldn't come at a worse time. I mean, really. These past few weeks have been awful. We were all sick. Then the computer died. Then Stephanie's hamster died. My car's battery died. Stephanie got two new fish, one died. Then Juliet died. My great-grandmother is dying. My favorite teacher's grandmother is dying. There is too much death happening right now. Just too much. I need something humorous. I need lots of something humorous. And some strawberry ice cream. Wow, that sounds good. I want some strawberry ice cream and to watch a good movie and to just... yeah. That sounds really, really good. <-Ghost-> |
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