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Growing up kinda serious
2004-09-16 at 4:11 p.m.
Oh LORD, my stomach hurts. I was stupid enough to agree to go eat donuts this morning, and god, I wish I hadn't.
*whimper*
I hate donuts. Hate them. I always tell myself that AFTER the fact. Hindsight? Perfect, why do you ask?
It's come to my attention, as I sit here, eating crackers and drinking my Diet Coke, that I need to write something. Not just a recap of my day, but I need to write.
I'm obviously horrible at writing opinions, because I'm 15, and there's no way on earth I can possibly know every fact that is pertinent to the case I'm trying to make.
And writing what I know is boring, because at this stage in my life, I don't know anything at all useful to anyone, or that interesting to read.
You want to hear about Chinggis Khan and the Mongols in the 12th and 13th centuries? Step on up. Want to know about Logos, Ethos, and Pathos styles of speech and writing? Come on up.
Want to know how to conquer your crushy feelings and become friends with boys? Actually, that may be helpful to some kids my age, but... the people who read my diary, at least normally, are all older than me. Some by a lot, some by a few years.
In case you're wondering... which I doubt you are, I feel okay about myself. I'm not stupid enough to believe that I'm "pretty." I'm not shallow enough to want to ever be considered pretty.
I am real, though. And I know I have something worth having, even if it isn't my body. I'm actually okay with that. Not so okay that I'm not wanting and willing to get healthier, but not just so I can attract a boyfriend.
Bodies fade. The mind lasts a bit longer. I do need to be healthier, though.
And I know that I'm going to be okay. I don't need a "significant." There are no "significant"s in high school. At least...rarely. And when I start dating, which I KNOW I will eventually... that's what I want.
I want more than this vapid high school world. I want my real friends, I want my loved ones, and I want to be loved by my friends. Because that's the only true love that... for the most part... will last in these years.
And besides... when I can take a deep breath, and look at an attractive guy (physically or not) as someone I relate to, and can be friends with... it takes a whole lot of pressure off my shoulders.
I shouldn't be concerned about whether or not I'm pretty enough. Because I know I'm not a bad friend to have. And judging by the many male friendships I've had, there is no set body type for that.
Yeah. That's all for right now. I have a buttload of homework to do.
Sorry for the serious tone... but it's a good serious. It's a "growing up" serious. And I hope that's okay with all of you. It's only one step of many, many more.
:SOUNDTRACK:
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:I
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