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Girly crush talk.
2005-04-21 at 8:33 p.m.
< girly talk >
So, this crush that I alluded to earlier. I need to talk about it. Because I'm dorky like that.
I've mentioned this boy named "Rodney" before. He is the biggest, most huggable, teddy-bear shaped guy I've ever met. I mean, seriously. He really reminds me of a teddy bear.
I've only known him since Freshman year, but I've always enjoyed being around him. He's quirky, like me. He's excitable, and we're still playing a game together that was started last year. It involves poking each other and running away really fast before the other can poke us back.
And today I found out he enjoys Angel, and we had a geek out moment together about Illyria. Sigh. I've found myself contemplating spending more time with him, and I... I've yet again managed to let myself fall in crush with one of my friends.
And it's killing me. I hate this feeling. I don't ever want to... I don't let myself like people. I don't. It's... it's bad of me? I guess. I don't know. I don't want to embarrass someone by letting it be known that I... I don't know.
But anyway. He's... he's smaller than I am, but it can't be by much. I mean, I don't think it can be. I don't see myself as big as I really am, but... god. I'm such a paranoid dweeb.
He's just... he's so sweet. But he's so weird. I don't think he's dating anyone... heck, I don't even know if he likes girls, much less ME. Ergh...
I can't talk about this. It comes out all gushy and girly and I feel sick to my stomach. I want to just be serious about it, and deal with it, but I don't know what that entails.
For me, it means swallowing my crush and continuing with life as if nothing was wrong with me.
I hate myself sometimes.
< /girly talk >
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