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Basking. Mmm.
2005-02-11 at 10:06 p.m.
Who do I write for?
This is a question that's often on my mind. Who is it that this is for? I think my answer is always different, but I think that often, the answer is not "me."
I write for others. I am a people-pleaser. I know that much. I don't think that's what writing is supposed to be, though. I'm supposed to write for me.
So I will. Maybe when I write, I'm not the most prolific speaker. Maybe when I'm in my worlds, I'm not always grammatically correct. Maybe I'm not always the most interesting author in the world. Maybe I'm never interesting, though I don't believe that for a second.
I must be interesting. 28 people believe that much, at least.
But my style is diminishing. I want to find that style. I need to work with it. But before I can do any of that, I need to work through the gut fear I feel when I am forced to share something I've worked on.
Maybe that's why I rarely "work" on my diary entries. There are a few shining examples when I preach, when I explain how I feel, when I cry. And those are always the ones I feel the best about.
I feel embarrassed by them, because it's baring a part of me that I don't often show to anyone. My words are like paintings for Basil Halward in The Picture of Dorian Gray. When I put the most effort into my words, my stories, my diaries, I feel the most excited and the most naked before the world.
I think I need to become accustomed to it, because I physically need to write. My writings, whether it's online or just on a scrap of paper... they help me. I release emotion through my words. I relax. I get excited. I become more than I normally am.
It's just a feeling I get. Everything about writing feels good to me. Of course, I have days where words just refuse to come, but that's acceptable. Everyone has days like that.
It's funny, I often battle between what I want to do when I have free time. I want to read books. I want to devour books, but while I'm reading, my hands are itching to write. And when I write my own things, my mind is itching to read someone else's work. It's a circle of words and science in my brain these days.
And the occasional Spanish.
Never math. Absolutely not. That's my mind. That's what I've been given, and I work with it. Or I try, at least, as glimpsed by my grade in Algebra II.
This is kind of free-association. It's just what's popping into my mind, but it's more than just a recap...
Somebody please remind me to get a form for the AP Test. I need to take it and pass it, because there is NO way that I'm going to let myself get away with just taking AP World History and getting no college credit for it.
So there.
Tori Amos is so cool. I love her voice and her songs... she's strange, but she's awesome.
So, last night was the night when I needed to finish (read: do) my Child Development project. Yeah. I did the organization and the basics, and I made it really easy to get through, and all was well and good, until I needed to find some more pictures to fill up the pages.
Yeah. The laptop? She no worky.
The wireless internet decided to crap out on me. Not only did it decide to crap out, it gave me no good reason at all. The internet worked on the other computers, but unfortunately for me, the Presentation was on this one, and there were different versions of PowerPoint on the other two computers.
So. I was kind of stuck. I did all I could, made it even easier to work, and then finally the internet started working a bit more.
I don't think I ended up with pictures for all of them, but around midnight, I decided I didn't care anymore. It looks nice, it's very easy to get through, so I better get at least a 90 something. Grumble.
Technology is so awesome sometimes. *sigh*
I have a Chemisty project now! Notice the exclamation point! I love Chemistry!
Chemistry is totally doing the same thing to me that words do, which is odd, I suppose, but I don't care. Woo!
I get to make a children's book about an element. I got Kr! Krypton, dudes and dudettes!
That's so cool. I'm going to make the story about King Krypton (because Kr is a noble gas. Duh.), and it's going to rock.
And also? I can make it a PowerPoint too. And because I never learn my lesson, I will be opting for that again.
Okay. I'm going to go to bed. I get to meet Sark from Alias tomorrow! And I need sleep so that I can be all rested and ready to bask in the yumminess of David Anders.
Mmm. David Anders.
*basks*
<-Ghost->
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