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M. Night Shamalama-dingdong
2004-07-31 at 8:45 p.m.
We went to see M. Night Shyamalan's latest venture today. And no, I don't know if I spelled his name right.
The Village. Ah, dear, sweet The Village.
Why were you made? Nothing happens. Two... maybe even one and a half "gasp" moments in the entire movie. And... it was all, well, I don't want to ruin it for anyone who hasn't seen it yet, but, um, if you haven't, please don't read on.
All I can think about the "revelation" of who "Those We Don't Speak of" really was... is: Scooby Doo much?
"Professor!!?"
Ugh. I'm sorry. I enjoyed Signs, sure. It didn't creep me out as much, because hey, aliens, unless they're bursting out of your chests, aren't that scary. I mean, sure, some are. But not the ones who just like to come make patterns in your corn. Those are the artistic aliens. And yes, artists are tortured and stuff, but c'mon.
I liked it nonetheless.
This movie, however. Was made up to be creepy. "What's in the woods? And who will die spookily?" kind of movie.
It wasn't. It was tragic love story, some gasp, tragic love story, old folksy village wedding, tragic love story, blah blah those-monsters-aren't-who-you-think-they-are-cakes.
If I wanted a tragic love story, I'd be reading Romeo and Juliet or watching Titanic, Em. Not your movie.
I watched The Village 'cause I wanted to be creeped out. And, Adrien Brody.
Oh, on that note, Adrien did a fine job...being retarded. I had no idea he was going to be messed up like that. It was cute, then sad, then tragic, and he didn't even get many lines. He just got to gesture wildly and giggle.
Which was cute.
And the performances didn't help liven anything up. Bryce Dallas Howard or whatever, Ivy Walker, was good. I really enjoyed her. But William Hurt, Joaquin Phoenix, even Sigourney... BORING!
The script was dully written, and you could tell by their delivery, there wasn't much you could do to make it exciting.
I don't think Em Night believes in contractions either. "I did not do this crime, and we can not do this. Do not look at me like that, I will not take it." Blah.
I liked Ivy, I liked Kitty, and I liked Noah. Lucius's only good moment for me was on the porch, but even then his delivery... wah. He was stone-cold throughout the entire movie, and I even suspect that he was pretty "stone-cold" by the end of it.
But we'll never know, 'cause, hey, resolution is for sissy girls.
All in all, I give it a C. Enjoyable parts, and some good characters, but all in all, *thumbs down motion* Pthbbbb.
That's the sound of a raspberry, by the way. In case you don't know my sound effect vocabulary.
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