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This one's for Lindsey. And me.
2003-11-09 at 8:02 a.m.
How is it, that now that I have 3 more people who put me on their buddy lists, that my viewage rate has decreased by about 20 views? Keep in mind that I am always half of my viewage, because I like to check the [shameful pluggage] guestbook.[/pluggage]
But anyway. That doesn't matter. Well, it kinda does. But not so much. Oh well.
I've gotten kinda in a boat with my ol' pal Linz... and lucky for us, it is indeed the same boat. We've noticed that the water supporting us is only a few feet deep, but... hey. Everybody's gotta have a boat.
She's feeling all "fat chick who's never been loved by anyone other than family or a [last name here]" and... I know the feeling... but for me it's just the family. 'case my family IS the [lastname]'s. Of course, she's had, what, 5 whole more years to live with the feeling than me? But does she honestly remember her first five years anyway? I don't think so.
But yeah. Whoever is out there reading this, you know I'm not great with the flirtage and the pretty much "attractiveness" quality. The only time I've even really mentioned a guy who "might like me" in this diary is the BBQ guy (mostly because I don't want to drag my teenage lovelife into this thing. I know how that looks when people read it. They all groan and say, "Oh GOD, not another one...")
But it's also because that IS the first time anyone's even seemed capable of liking me.
I'm 14. I have a humongous beef with the girls I know who've already had "Like, ohmigawd, 15 boyfriends." I know where this is headed... or I think I do.
Divorce rates skyrocket pretty much every year. We build each other up to believe that no relationship is going to last more than 2 weeks, but if you're one of the few out there who are looking for something more, and are taking just a bit longer than most to find something that will last longer than any of their relationships... than you're a loser.
A sad, fat, unattractive, lonely person who must not ever be capable of attracting anybody.
It's not true. I know that. I feel better about myself than I have for a long time. Just because I don't measure up with society's rules of "how far" I should be at my age... it doesn't mean anything. If society acts anything like what I've witnessed, I'm not sure I want to even try and match up with these people.
The "relationships" people have today aren't based on love. Or even "like-like"ness. It's simply how cute they look together. They go for 2 weeks. Boom. On to the next person.
That doesn't exactly build our kids up to prepare them for a world where they have to have commitment, now does it?
I don't know how people expect their relationships to last long enough to what, get married? Have kids? Half the girls in our nation will probably flop that one around. If they even ever get married. Promiscuity is key in today's world.
And I'm sick of it.
I'm sick of it staring me in the face trying to let me know how worthless I am without a guy hanging off of me like some piece of baggage that I walk down the street with for all to admire my fashion sense.
Boys aren't for love anymore, they're for fashion accessories.
I'm obviously a bit bitter and jaded about this whole thing. But I can't help it. I claim I can see through these stupid walls, but... I'm not sure if I can or not. All I know is that this is what I believe.
I would rather wait for something that will last, than condition myself to believe that nothing is worth lasting anymore.
That is all. Go hug somebody.
<-Ghost->
Music: The Remedy-Jason Mraz
All My Life-Foo Fighters
No Such Thing-John Mayer
Quote: "I don't do wild. Wild on me? Equals spaz."-Willow
Episode: Halloween.
:SOUNDTRACK:
Nerf Herder
Scissor Sisters
John Mayer
Radiohead
Mars Volta
:I
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