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I'm different, and you're distant...
2003-05-15 at 5:05 p.m.
*stretches fingers, and winces as she gets to her thumb, but continues as she pretends to be professional*
It has come to my attention that I have new viewers. Perhaps not many. But *waves happily to them anyway*.
Say hi everyone! See? Such loving readers here.
Ahhh...my first real entry since The Weekend. And I don't feel like doing it.
How weird is that? I've built up all this poetic wording inside of me, and all these happy thoughts are just bubbling around, and here I find I'd rather just not bother with it.
But, judging from the views of this page today only, I should.
I feel...different. It's a good, really, but... still, I feel different.
I know this is going to sound cheesy and stuff, but hey, I live in the world of cheese and corn, so here I go anyway.
Last weekend has instilled this faith in me, and I really don't feel like giving it up.
I conquered almost all of my fears. Really. 'Cept bees.
I talked to celebrities. I HUGGED celebrities. I approached them and spoke into a microphone, and asked them questions in front of hundreds of people. And I kept my cool the entire time.
I think I almost feel suave now. Almost. The last question I asked, I wasn't even shaking. My heart was pounding a little harder, but that was just in anticipation.
It also felt like I was sitting back. Like it wasn't taking anything extra to do these things, and that I just sat back and watched it happen. Looking back at the Q&A's, asking for hugs, it all seemed like somebody else doing the talking. And I think I finally get why. I just sat back, and let myself handle it.
I trusted myself to handle those things. And I came through. Rather brilliantly if I do say so myself.
But coming back was the hardest part. I've come back to the exact same people, but I feel like I'm a million light years away from them now. Maybe not...away, persay, but I'm different. I don't find myself seeking their approval anymore. I honestly don't care if they like me or not.
They're my friends, I trust that they are. I do. But...I don't need their approval. I've impressed celebrities. I've been considered cool by the coolest upon cool. And looking back at these people I know and love now... it's like, "Why on earth did I need them to like ME?"
I'm not taking this to the extreme. I'm really not. I don't think I'm better than any of these people. Still just the opposite, but I don't need to suck up to them all.
I think that this could give me some difficulties...because they aren't used to me not caring what they think. I'm different than I was last Thursday. And I don't know if I can stress that through to them.
Ah well. Ooh, funny scenario happened in Math today. Scott was finished, and started talking to David...and Mrs. Collins glared at him...
Mrs Collins: Scott Hernandez!
Scott: *glances around quickly* Yes?
Mrs Collins: *stony glare*
Scott: Did...you...need something?
Mrs Collins: *continues to glare (she's odd)*
Scott: Why'd you call my name?
Mrs Collins: Why do YOU think I called your name?
David: *grin* Cause his shoe was untied!
Rest of Class: *cracks up*
Mrs Collins: *moves glare to David* That's a demerit.
Goooood grief. David...I love David. If I go back to being a wussy suck-up... he'll still treat me like I'm cool. And god I love David.
I have to go to bed soon. I have to go to DC, and...yeesh. Three days at home, and I'm back on a plane to another State/Whatever The Heck DC Is.
*sigh*
I'm tired. And I'm going to be exhausted when we get back. At least we get a day off, right?
*Love and hugs, be back in a week*
<-Ghost->
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